11 Portraits of Intimate
1. Pride
The Christopher Street Liberation Day March in June 1970 marked the first pride parade: a bold display of passion, love, senses, and emotions. A handful of bold LGBTQ+ change-makers marched in solidarity, demanding recognition and freedom, making visible what until that point was taboo and often illegal. In a sudden flurry of music, bold clothing, and passionate chants, lovers, holding hands and embracing, appeared on the streets. Signs were brandished, huge risks were taken, and the energy attracted supporters. It didn’t matter where you stood on the matter– this was a polarising, challenging, establishment-crumbling moment. It was the beginning of a new story. Similar parades sprouted up across North America and eventually spread across the world – it was a revolution, a celebration, a liberation.
2. Mirror Work
How do we push past our inner fortifications – those careful, rational, self-conscious barriers that keep us from connecting with hidden parts of ourselves, and with others? The ability to feel and express your authentic self is an ever-evolving process. As we are revealed to ourselves, more mysteries and possibilities arise. It is only through walking into the unknown, engaging in experimentation, and maintaining a heavy dose of openness and curiosity in the face of discomfort do we find clarity. You will not find yourself in the pages of a self-help book, nor in going through the motions of doing what you’re supposed to, nor in checking another ayahuasca ceremony off your list of to-dos. “Yourself”, whoever that is, is waiting to be unearthed and loved in some unorthodox fashion, somewhere beyond the end of your comfort zone.
3. The Artist Is Present
There is a long queue of curious, jittery people. They wait, some patiently, some impatiently, some with fear, some with confidence. They may wait for hours to enter a final room in MoMA where there is a woman in a long red dress seated on a simple wooden chair, her dark hair braided casually over one shoulder. Marina Abramović waits for the next person to sit down in the chair opposite her, to look deeply into her eyes. She says nothing. Her expression is flat. People gaze, and receive her gaze, for as long as they wish. What are they looking for in her eyes? Perhaps a depth of human experience we rarely receive – presence, true seeing, silent intimacy with a stranger, an experience beyond and not requiring words. Emotions silently and vulnerably on display, turned into living art. Here we find humanity.
4. Cheer
Young college students collapse to the floor, groaning and breathless, holding their exhausted limbs, from their latest attempt at a complex human pyramid. This feat requires not just strength and flexibility, but an explosion of passion and intuitive connectedness as they choreograph each motion to perfection. Failure here is rarely due to physical weakness, but rather group energy. If one person is agitated or has a bad attitude, or is slightly disconnected or apathetic, it’s better that they leave. When it’s time for another go, the music starts and enters their collective bloodstreams. Teammates and observers scream encouragement from the sidelines as muscles contract, girls are propelled tens of feet into the air in a nearly unimaginable act of trust that those below will be there to catch them. The sweat pours, the smiles are honest and pained, the tears flow, and an exceptional performance unfolds.
5. Vivaldi
A conductor stands on stage. Everything is silent. With a subtle, sharp flick of his hands, the orchestra comes to life. A quavering, delicate violin gives way to the powerful lament of trumpets, trombones, baritone, violas. A story unfolds, and the audience is pulled along through its undulating plotline with no means or desire to resist this most human experience. Without any words to direct them, they collectively feel the engulfing pain of unrequited love, the fear of loss, the burgeoning courage of a line of soldiers preparing for battle, the joy of freedom and flying, the lonely, bitter wind on a winter day, the abundance of a celebratory feast, the hope and delight of a child. They yearn for all of it, and come away fulfilled.
6. Je suis…
This new language has rules and it has chaos. It has tables of grammar and conjugations, but it also has slang that ignores these rules. It has a Google Translate accent and a series of staged, slow-motion videos of college kids talking about what they’ll do this weekend (“je vais skier!”), but it also expresses itself and has a cultural perspective that lives deep inside its core. You can learn the rules from books and intimidating university professors, but to really engage with it, you have to wrestle with it. Mostly, you just have to start saying things. You have to begin a sentence with no idea of how to finish it, or whether you even can with your limited vocabulary. You have to use your body language and your emotions and your sincerity to get the point across. You will find yourself inadequately stacking five nouns and a verb together with a bit of acting and hope the person across from you gets the gist. And they will, and they will respect you for trying, and you will deepen your relationship with the majesty and humility of a new tongue.
7. Greek
Rage. Jealousy. Ambition. Hopeless love. Folly. Naivety. The complicated family tree of Greek gods and demi-gods hardly resembles the later monotheistic God that eventually replaced them – exulted, sin-free, faceless, all-knowing. In contrast, Ancient Greeks recognized themselves in their gods’ human-like weaknesses, wielded with inhuman power. Like it or not, they lived under the rule of this chaotic family, because the gods had absolute control over every aspect of Ancient Greek life, from celebrations, to funerals, to harvest and seasons, to having babies and sleeping at night. There is power in attractiveness and in displaying imperfect emotions. There are stories and wisdom there, helping us understand the structures of the reality we live in.
8. First Love
First love marks the end of rational thought. It trumps what normally consumes our attention, like time, paying the bills, our jobs, promises we made to others. In the perfection of our beloved’s shy smile, the light in their eyes, the heat of them, their touch, the smell of their hair, of their breath, the tone of their voice, we are lost. We cannot get closer, but we must get closer. “Breathe out so I can breathe you in. Hold you in,” sings the Foo Fighters. There is a desperation in the possibility that we have found a unicorn, the answer to all our life’s worries and failings, an Eden of sorts, a true source of happiness that may be, as it were, everlong. Does anything really last forever? We choose not to think about it, not now.
9. Sex Ed
Sexual education is perhaps one of the least sexy “sex” topics out there, but one of the most important. Today, there is an effort to reverse some of the major consequences of lack of sex education by teaching younger generations much better than their parents. For so long (and in an ongoing fashion in many places) the subject of sex was avoided, taught with a religious baby-making slant, left to parents, and often coated in a heavy dose of fear, shame, confusion, judgement, misogyny, and embarrassment. And let’s face it – anatomy just doesn’t cut it. More school systems are stepping up to rectify this, and there are more adult-focused resources on skipped-over sex topics than ever – female pleasure, consent, gender fluidity, where the vagina actually is, and other interesting factoids. After all, quality intimate knowledge should be available to all, amiright?
10. The Embrace
When there are no words – when an experience is beyond the reach of mere sentences, placations, and sympathy, what is left to us? The hug. Anyone who has been through trauma, a break up, a divorce, a loss, a death, bankruptcy, a close call, an accident, a major regret… can attest to the ultimate generosity and gift that another human being can grant, which is simply a hug. An act of true compassion, a space to be supported, to breathe, to come to grips with an experience without having to be utterly alone, without having to explain, without having to be explained to.
11. Escape
Where entertainment, good humour, relaxation, and intimacy meet: The Art of Frugal Hedonism by Annie Raser-Rowland. One of my favourite books of all time. It changed how I live, and that’s no understatement. I can’t do this justice with words, but Annie can:
“If you are walking home on one of those scorched afternoons where the heat is shimmering and your muscles are all warm and loose and the air is heavy with eucalyptus oils being baked out of the street trees, you might as well choose to enjoy all that sensory information coming at you like a molten sledgehammer. Sound challenging? Try this trick: treat it as if you’d paid for the experience and all its sensory elements. Soak it up with relish, and notice that you do not have to buy something to actively consume it.
Smack your lips and make appreciative noises when you’re eating something tasty. Half-close your eyes when a sea breeze nips at the little hairs on the back of your neck. Stroke your dog’s ear between thumb and forefinger and marvel at its silkiness. Snuggle into your bed on a cold night and actually grin about how good it is. Gaze at twinkly water until you feel a bit tipsy. Enjoy the rocking movement of the train. Go for a barefoot walk somewhere where you can curl your toes into brittle grass, mud or sand. Listen to music while doing nothing else at all.”
Brittany Veenhuysen is a writer and co-founder of BrandPsyche. With a BA in English and a philosophical lens, she uses strategic storytelling to connect entrepreneurial folk with people they love to serve.