As the Hero of Your Story…
“I’m 39 years old, and it’s crazy to think that all I’ve done is work in a kitchen. All I’ve done is work on being a great chef. That’s a long road, and a lot of damage along the way. But, to be the chef I am today wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t immersed myself in that level of workaholism.”
- Sean Brock, Chef
On the cusp of a new year, let’s take a walk through the past. I always think it’s important to do this before looking around at the present, and gazing into the foggy future.
Consider your life not as a series of chaotic events that pushed you to and fro like stormy waves, nor as a predetermined path with a final destination that you are trudging inevitably towards.
Instead, think of your life as an unfolding story.
Flip through the pages and chapters of your past. Conjure a visual of a childhood home you know well, in the way only a child can. Open the front door, walk the halls, explore the rooms and closets, remember the part of the floor that creaked in the night. Locate the best hide and seek hideaway. Go outside and investigate the nooks in the backyard – the tree you climbed, the roof you scrambled on, the place you hid a box of your secret stuff, the hole in the fence behind the bush.
Think about your school, how it was laid out, where your locker was, and what the desks looked like, all covered in dark inky drawings and scribbles. The textbooks you bound in brown paper, the posters you pinned to the inside of your locker door, the seat or patch of floor where you ate lunch. The cheap scent you wore in excess, and your favourite outfit. The people who were there. Your scary chemistry teacher.
It wasn’t always cheerful or good to be in these spaces. They weren’t fancy, or always full of love and enjoyment. Unexpected challenges came up that were entirely outside your control.
But you weren’t completely helpless. You reacted a certain way to the challenges placed on your path, and learned from them. You gathered nuggets of wisdom and sometimes weapons to prepare for the next time, be it a bully, an exam, an argument between your parents, or a moment you embarrassed yourself. Or worse – feeling hungry with no food in your home, or not wanting to go home at all. Or not wanting to go to school.
The nuggets you gained – the ammunition you gathered – probably made you some combination of wiser, more abrasive, gentler, defensive, more courageous, more wary of people, funnier, more anxious, smarter, more diligent, more of a fighter, or more rebellious. Life is complicated.
Regardless, all of these experiences are what helped make you you.
Consider that the way you see past events is not false, but it’s not objectively true, either. Our memories are formed and edited through whatever lens we shine on them.
They are stories.
You have a Champion inside of you. Your Champion is the part that reminds you that you are the leading character of your own life.
The Champion inside you says:
Use what happened yesterday to impact what happens tomorrow.
Look at what you’ve gained and gathered along the way. This makes you strong.
You are a total one-off. You are courageous and capable of doing everything you want.
Follow your desires, your goals. The rest will follow.
Everyone has a Champion inside them, but it shows up with different levels of intensity, and with different characteristics, unique to you.
Your inner Champion may be hiding so well that it’s hard to imagine it even exists. When was the last time I made a goal just for me, and went for it with all my heart? You might ask yourself.
Your inner Champion might be the loudest voice inside you. You may feel competitive all the time, and exhausted from putting so much effort in your pursuits.
This article is to help you awaken or work with your Champion archetype as you step into a new year. As you read through The Hiding Champion, The Aggressive Champion, and The Wise Champion, make a mental note of which one resonates most with you. I suggest also taking notes with personal examples, events, or characteristics you see in yourself, because your Champion shows up and hides differently than everyone else, even though it shares common characteristics with others.
The Hiding Champion
You may connect with the Hidden Champion if you tend to put others before yourself. If your Champion is in hiding, you probably take notice when someone exhibits a lot of drive, determination, and courage as they pursue their personal goals. When you meet someone who is unapologetically going for it, you likely feel a combination of desire to be more like that, mixed with some judgment, because they seem selfish to you. It’s hard for you to reconcile these two emotions – you have goals that are important to you too, but you don’t want to neglect or harm others by pursuing them with all of your energy.
Here are some characteristics of the Hidden Champion:
• You typically put others’ needs and desires before your own
• You feel most comfortable and derive satisfaction when you are supporting or facilitating other people, or a larger initiative that is bigger than just yourself
• You’re not competitive by nature
• You avoid, or are even repelled, by people who make selfish decisions. This is especially true if you can see how their decisions are negatively impacting other people
• You often feel like life happens to you. When people make their desires and needs known to you, or opportunities show up directly on your path, or events outside your control happen, you respond accordingly
• It’s been a long time since you relentlessly pursued something just for you – something that obviously benefits you more than other people
• It’s difficult for you to express (and make decisions on) what you want. You often defer to others, or let life pan out however it does, to avoid having to choose a path
• When you encounter others who play in your arena, you choose to connect with them rather than compete with them
• Whether you’re playing at a sport, building a business, trying to be a great parent or partner, or focusing on a hobby you care about, you tend to act overly humble, downplay your skills, or brush off praise to make others feel better about themselves
“I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people’s lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.” - Melody Beattie
If your inner Champion is in hiding and you want to step into the leading role in your life, consider the following questions:
What do you acknowledge yourself for? Take some time to consider the characteristics you are proud of. You are resilient, strong, wise, and you know yourself more than you think. Write down these characteristics and allow yourself to feel pride in what you’ve accomplished.
If you could pursue any goal(s) without guilt or fear of selfishness, what would they be? No one needs to see this list, so write down the things you really want to do, however small they are. It’s hard to be honest, even with ourselves in secret, but do your best to be direct. Claim what you want to do in life.
Write down a list of ways you might be able to create more time, space, and energy for your pursuits. This might mean allowing people to take responsibility for themselves if you are a rescuer, it might just be turning off your phone for a couple of hours a day. Consider the possibility that loved ones in your life want to see you doing what matters to you, more than they want you to be supportive of them.
The Aggressive Champion
You may connect with the Aggressive Champion if you have accomplished a lot in your life and enjoy competition. If you let yourself feel your emotions honestly, you may feel strung out, like you have pushed too hard past a boundary. If you feel overworked, overwhelmed, but desperate to keep pouring energy into a pursuit, you might be burning out. Relationships are hard for the Aggressive Champion archetype. Your relationships might be fraught and neglected (maybe you try not to think about that). In your lack of humility, you might feel like other people are letting you down in your pursuit to achieve your goals, or that you are letting yourself down.
Here are some characteristics of the Aggressive Champion:
• You have historically put your own needs and desires before your relationships and other people’s needs
• You see yourself as the main character of your story, and you want other people to see you as a person to look up to and respect
• You are competitive by nature – when you want to be the best at something, you feel gripped and obsessed by it
• When other people bring their problems to your door, it makes you feel irritated – you have more important things going on, and you feel they should take responsibility for their issues
• You drive your life and your outcomes. When you look to the past, it is to understand your mistakes so you don’t make them again. When you look towards the present, you assess your current performance. When you look to the future, you make goals
• You are hard on yourself and others. You hate it when you make mistakes, and double down on your efforts. You don’t often ask for or accept help
• Your personal desires drive your decision-making. On a team, you tend to steamroll other people’s opinions if they differ from yours. You can even take their responsibilities away from them because you’re certain you can do it better. This gives you more work to do and can push others away
• When you encounter others who play in your arena, you see them as competition, and maybe even come to consider them as an enemy
• Whether you’re playing a sport, building a business, trying to be a great parent or partner, or pursuing a hobby you care about, you are naturally performance-focused. You demand a lot from other people – your teammates, coworkers, friends and family – and can come off as angry and arrogant. You are quick to take credit when things work, and quick to react in frustration and anger when things go wrong
“I'm the hero of the story
Don't need to be saved”
– Regina Spektor
If your Champion is an aggressive one, and you want to achieve more balance and connection in your life while still relentlessly pursuing your goals, consider the following questions:
Expand your vision. First, write down what exactly it is you’re aiming to achieve, whether that is achieving an award, winning a competition, being featured in a magazine, being considered the best in your community, whatever that is in your mind. This might be longer than one thing. Maybe you want to afford the house or car of your dreams, or reach the highest level of recognition possible, or be promoted to an impressive position in your company.
Then expand your view. What will you personally gain when you reach this goal? Not just the recognition, award, money, or position – what will you gain on the inside? Self-confidence, freedom, abundance, recognition, a deep sense of pride, a deeper self-love, satisfaction, joy? Write them all down.
Now expand it more. Take each of the points from the last question. What is the result of gaining more self-confidence, for instance? What can you do with more self-confidence? Will you want to speak about your experiences and share your wisdom? Or freedom and abundance? What will happen when you have more freedom? What will you do with your newfound excess time, wealth, and energy? What really matters to you under everything you do?
One more step. Who do you want to impact with all of your success? Do you want to provide your children with what you didn’t have growing up? Do you want to help others achieve what you did, but faster and with more support? Do you want to uplift your community, do you want to change the narrative?
Finally, can you begin to do these things now, without putting your blinders on and rushing into battle? Can you find more love, more connection, can you create impact, can you feel abundant… all right now?
The Wise Champion
The Wise Champion can be considered the Champion that is most balanced. You may connect with this Champion if you have a greater awareness not only of your personal goal, but of the bigger picture. When you consider past events, you want to learn from them, but you also offer your past self compassion. You set future goals with flexibility built in. You grow confidence and courage from a place not of fear or avoidance, but of genuine belief in the Champion’s inherent ability to survive and thrive.
Here are some characteristics of the Strong Champion:
• You energetically pursue your greatest desires and goals, fuelled by your big-picture vision for why all of this matters beyond just you
• You see yourself as the main character of your story, and often ask: What is the big purpose of all this effort? What do I want to be remembered for, and how do I want to see myself?
• You are competitive, but rather than allowing it to fuel bitterness and fear towards other people, competition fuels your ability to be creative, committed, connected, bold, unique, and energetic in how you pursue your goals
• You understand that the true competition is with yourself. This means that you don’t get as frustrated or are as demanding with other people who have needs and lives outside of your shared goal
• You see your life as an unfolding story. You take responsibility for the lessons you’ve learned and awareness of the past, and you do the best you can in the present moment with what you have, which includes taking rest. When you look to the future, you are open to pivoting because you recognize the chaos of the future. No one can prevent unexpected challenges, events, and other opportunities from showing up.
• You know when to power forward, full steam ahead. You also know when you’re burning out or showing the emotionally reactive, arrogant, obsessive, and aggressive sides of yourself that push others away. When this happens, you take a break and ask for help.
• You are clear on what you want, but acknowledge that you don’t have all the answers or pieces of the puzzle to make the best decision moving forward. In a team, you are the driving force but include other people in the conversation to see how they weigh in before taking action
• When you encounter others who play in your arena, you may initially feel competitive, intimidated, or dismissive, but you know how to draw from your inner well of true courage, humility, and confidence moving forward. You’ve got this.
• Whether you’re playing a sport, building a business, trying to be a great parent or partner, or pursuing a hobby you care about, you are a force to be reckoned with. You aren’t afraid to show how invested you are, and show that you are confident. For you, every challenge presents an opportunity. Every failure offers a lesson. Every setback is a reason to be creative or more diligent. People naturally respect you, are inspired by you, and consider you to be a role model.
As you consider this New Year, whether you are a resolution-setter, an intention-maker, or you don’t enjoy making goals at all, take a moment to reflect on the last year. All the good times, all the hard times. Consider what you want more of in the coming year, even if you don’t make it an official goal – your inner Champion is hungry.
Brittany Veenhuysen is a writer and co-founder of BrandPsyche. With a BA in English and a philosophical lens, she uses strategic storytelling to connect entrepreneurial folk with people they love to serve.